Thankfully we had arrived at the crematorium early so Dad could ‘visit’ his parents’ plaque on the wall. Thankfully because it meant I had time to read the service handout and realise there was a gaping hole – a section where family members could verbalise their farewells – which no one was aware of. I have never been so grateful for all those agonising hours of speaker training and sweating over words and more words. I’m not from a family of public speakers so, as hard as it was for me, it was not about a fear of what to say, how to say it, or whether I’d embarrass myself or not. The difficulty came from the emotion that welled up reading the beautiful words Dad had re-crafted to give to the celebrant to read, but then bequeathed to me at the door. Look up, breathe, continue…
“If your remembering of me should bring a tear to your eye, a quiver to your lips or an ache in your heart – FORGET ME NOW! But if your memories bring a twinkle to your eye, a smile to your lips and joy to your heart – REMEMBER ME ALWAYS.”
Look up, breathe, continue…
I followed those aching words with anecdotes, snippets Mum had shared about her childhood, of climbing a cherry tree and wearing cherries as earrings, lighting a fire on her grandfather’s lawn to cook chips, of meeting and falling in love with Dad, and my own memories of her climbing exploits over the years – including getting a leg up from Dad to climb through my kitchen window when in her 60’s. Why wait outside when you can climb in through a window?! Nothing like a laugh at a funeral – it helps balance the tears.
I became the family celebrant at the very private scattering of her ashes beside a beautiful bush track as she’d wished, writing and speaking a simple service. Look up, breathe, continue… I was so grateful I could do that for my mum, my dad, my brothers and family, but most of all, for myself. All those words could flow out, helping my healing process.
I realised how much freedom I have given myself by persevering, by consistently shoving myself out of my comfort zone, by ditching the bitch and cutting the BS stories I used to scare myself with. I now actually enjoy speaking gigs, and presenting workshops and webinars. I now have access to many more ways of making a difference, of creating a legacy through my work. Writing this now I realise it’s also made me more comfortable in my own skin – so that concept of really pushing the pendulum out as far as it goes, so your boundaries stay ‘stretched’ does work. Nothing like thrashing on the floor, pretending to be rolling in hippo poo, in front of 350 people, to strip the dignity!
How much more free would you feel if you could simply stand up and speak, from your heart, for your heart? If you need help to bring out your best, simply ask me how.
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