Understanding The 4 Fears Ruling Your Life – Part 4 Not Enough

Understanding The 4 Fears Ruling Your Life – Part 4 Not Enough (c) Sue Lester

You don’t need to be racked by Anxiety to have Fear ruling your life. You may not be aware of it, but there is an underlying fear every time you fail to do something you know would improve your life. Even those little inactions throughout each day count. Fear keeps us stuck. Fear keeps us from living our potential, and Fear limits the love we can receive. In this 4 part series I’ll use the stories of 4 women to illustrate how we can identify and clear those fears. To protect my clients, the women’s names have been changed, and may have elements of another’s journey integrated to give you a richer experience.

Not Enough
Nola confessed she had always wanted to be a mother but she was worried she’d end up like her own mother. Nola had always felt her mother loved her eldest daughter best, and that Nola herself could never please her. Their family had struggled financially and Nola was the one who always had the hand-me-downs and missed out on school excursions.

As an adult the same patterns were playing out, with Nola feeling she was second best and not allowed to achieve more or faster than her sister, whether in a career, buying a home, finding a partner or having a baby. Whenever things seemed to be going right, particularly financially, Nola would make a choice which sent her spirally down again. Her, potentially unfounded, jealousy was driving a wedge into her relationship, pushing her partner away with distrust, accusations and spying.

There was immense excitement around the frog pond as it was the day of the Great Flagpole Challenge. All of the fittest and bravest frogs gathered to race to the top of the slippery pole towering above in the growing heat. The crowd cheered as the contestants leapt over each other on their way up. Some were pushed or kicked off immediately. One by one the less fit and less brave frogs gave up as they climbed higher and higher, risking a fall or being scooped up by an airborne predator. As the number of competitors reduced, the crowd stopped cheering and started gasping as the climbing frogs struggled on. “You’ll never make it, come back! This is crazy, you’ll kill yourself. Look how exhausted Freddy is, ” floated up to the climbers, and one by one they gave up until there was only one frog climbing, higher and higher. The crowded yelled and warned of dire consequences of continuing but still the lone frog climbed…all the way to the top. It was only during the interview afterwards that her secret was revealed – she was deaf so didn’t hear others’ warnings and doubts.

Nola’s deep seated sense of not being good enough, to be loved, to achieve success etc was the first area we worked on. Once she was able to value herself she allowed herself to achieve success to her level, not her sister’s, so she started to show up differently and stop self-sabotaging her career and finances. Once Nola felt lovable, she could begin to trust that her partner did love her enough to stay faithful, and the more she showed trust and love, the more he responded. We helped Nola accept her mother would probably never be the mother she wanted or deserved, and that didn’t mean Nola was not worthy of love. Nola could learn from her mother and ensure she parented her children differently.

We collapsed Nola’s negative anchors to her partner and family, and cleared the toxic build up of years of repressed anger and hurt. Nola was then able to set and maintain clear boundaries, without flying off the handle or weakening and giving in. Step by step Nola turned her life into the one she wanted. During our sessions she learnt to judge which of those inner voices was hers, sharing wisdom, and which were from the past, holding her back with doubts, criticism and fears. Nola learnt to expand instead of contracting.

If you too would like to learn how to shed the parts of your past which no longer serve you, and feel more confident and ‘enough’, call me to book a time to change. Ph 07 3103 2679 or 0428 128 679.
(c) Sue Lester, Growing Content 2010. www.growingcontent.com.au